what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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