How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
