what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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