She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
