Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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