and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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