Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
