He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
