Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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