Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
