Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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