The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
