do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
