it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
