Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
