You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
