Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
