this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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