Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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