I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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