I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
