capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
