I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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