Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
