Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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