Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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