one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
