my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
home. puking in laundry basket.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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