it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
