this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
