He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
