ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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