Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
