we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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