I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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