Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Say something about gay babies.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
