Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
