oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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