Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
