I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
