I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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