Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
