Im at strip club and am horny
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
