I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
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Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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