I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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