U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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