ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
