on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
