Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
