Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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