omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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