pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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