I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
