need another drink. this is the easiest way
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
