I cut my penus on the lid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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