He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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