MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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