I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
