you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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