During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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