oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm at about main and main street
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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