my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
