I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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