if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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