my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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