Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
