so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
