The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
