My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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