marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
