i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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