I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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