I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
