Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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