and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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