Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
