You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
