I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
