miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
