let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
