I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
