I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
