so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
