i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
